February 22, 2010

TRAINING YOUR SIGNIFCANT OTHER

I just have to share this little blurb that makes me so happy.

A few sweet ladies have written such nice things about DSK Jewelry recently. Someone said that she feels like DSK is a status. :) That really made my day. I've heard the two terms "DSK" + "status symbol" a few times now from several sweet customers. TOTALLY made my day. Seriously. Nothing is more flattering!!! A big thank you for all your encouragement and fun words!

DSKJewelry, a beauty blogger status symbol?!!!? Have I died and gone to heaven?


NOW, RELATING to the title. I just wanted to talk a bit about dating.

LADIES. I will share with you several signs of how GUYS may be setting low standards in your relationship. A SNEAKY TACTIC TO TRAP US INTO DOING MORE WORK THAN WE HAVE TO IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!

(Minh says he sets my standards for him low to better impress me when he does normal stuff, like open a car door.)

OR

Minh: "Wouldn't it be more special when I do put the seat down?"
That jerkface!

First off, guys aren't that dumb. At least the more mature ones aren't that dumb (sometimes). It's subjective. LOL

-If you are dating a guy who acts like it's normal for you to put away the groceries and him sit on the couch (this is a sign that he's TRAINING you to be that kind of girlfriend who "takes care of him more than he deserves!")

-If you catch him smirking (and is NOT asking you if you need any help) when you make him a pb&j sandwich for lunch the next day, this is also another sign he's training you! If you catch him smirking...IMMEDIATE drop what you're doing and tell him to prepare his own lunch. lol He will rebel a little bit (act like a little kid), but you set him in his place and tell them that you're not his mom! :D

Guys can be a bit sneaky. They like to let you think you wear "the pants in the relationship" by giving in, or listening to your demands. BUT, it's really a trick because if he has already "conditioned you to FEEL OBLIGATED to do something like his laundry...he has "more power over you than you do over him." But you don't think he does because you just feel it's normal to be doing his laundry.

It's a bit hard for me to explain my meaning, but I'm going to try my best.

All interpersonal relationships are based on a balance of power. Most of us know, that the person who loves less...will always have more of that relationship power. You really cannot control the level of love you have for your significant other. This is probably the cruelest part of a relationship. --> When you care & love someone more than they care & love you.

Anyhow, you need to read the signs if your significant other is secretly "training you" in a relationship. I recently caught Minh when he try to GUILT TRIP me when I didn't have any dinner ready when he got home from work. He tried to make me feel bad for not cooking (even though it's not my responsibility to feed him in the first place!).

Example: Minh walks in the door. "What are we having for dinner tonight? I'm so hungry, I didn't eat anything all day."

Me: "I didn't cook, I dunno what we're having for dinner."

Minh: "Ohh...I was excited to see what you made for dinner. But that's okay, we can go out and pick up something."

Me: :::starts to feel bad:::

Minh: "I had such a long day at work, it's so nice to be home" (he's tricking me into feeling guilty that he has to leave the house again to get dinner)"

Me: :::thinks to self...hmm what should I cook tomorrow...I should really plan out our meals better:::

IN THE ABOVE EXAMPLE, I WAS JUST DEFEATED.

SEEEEEEEEEEE ladies, why did I start thinking those things? Because he made me feel guilty. There was no reason I should have felt guilty or felt that it is my job to put food on the table. I work too! He's trying to frame me into the "housewife" position. I work just as many hours as he does, but I have to be the one to use my brain power to plan our meals and what we're going to eat?

NO WAY! I'll cook when I feel like it. It has to be fair in my book. So to counter his trick, I GUILT TRIP HIM BACK. lol Childish, I know. I'm 22 years young & still a bit immature!

I started to tell him that I stay at home all day, and the highlight of my day is to leave the house with him. So whenever we go out to grab dinner, I always tell him how much I enjoy the car ride. LOL I tell him how great it is to be in the car together and catching up on our day. OR I tell what a great cook I think he's always been.

Example of how to condition your S.O to taking you out to dinner: "Isn't this fun? I love it when you drive me places."

So once I condition him to understand that I'm not the dinner provider, he'll start to 1. bring dinner home on his way home from work, 2. think of meals to cook after he gets home.

Mwuahahaha, that is how it's done!

Now when he gets home, he asks me what I want to have for dinner. Instead of expecting to have his dinner prepared and served after he changes out of his suit.

^_^ There are so many other scenarios, but I can't seem to think of them right now. I guess the fun part to a relationship is being rivals on the teeter totter of power.

I'm pretty power hungry, I've always have been ~ I don't see why it's a bad thing to be the one who calls 51% of the shots in the relationship. I don't need 100% control, I just need 51%. I'd even settle for 50.6% of the power. I just need to come out ahead.

I've been that way in everything else in life. Academics...I was super competitive. Business...super competitive. Relationship...super competitive. I guess...we all just need to meet our rivals and battle them in the game of love for as long as we shall live! : )

Make the rivalry fun, that way you'll never lose motivation to be smarter to outsmart your opponent!

For example, every time I get hear anything negative about my business, I'm inspired to make it even better the very next second. I thrive on opposition. I love it, and not many people know that.

Minh does for sure, he knows I'm always with a huge grin on my face whenever a challenged is put in front of me. He told me that I'd be the world's nastiest lawyer. I have no remorse or regrets ever. Cold hard bitch.

Cold hard bitches. <----Julia Nguyen & Stephanie Nguyen. lol We're probably the best at blocking out anything that we don't wan to hear, or people we don't want in our lives. I think I'm better at blocking out what I don't want to hear. While she's better at ignoring someone forever lol. I'm more compassionate than my sister, but she's more strong willed, and smart. I wish I was more strong willed.


I also love to predict people's responses.
Action ---> Reaction

I LOVE REACTIONS!


For better or worse...I dunno! I just love to be entertained by a challenge, whatever that challenge may be. I love to win cause I'm Stephanie "Nguyen"!

Both Minh & my own mother thinks I take a lot of things to the extreme. Doesn't that just mean I'm comfortable in my own skin? Why hold back?

In more normal blog news,

I finally got my order from Neiman Marcus!


NARS Sheer Glow Foundation in Stromboli (MAC NC37-NC40)
So far...the best foundation! It makes my skin flawless, I'm impressed. The rumors are true, this is one of the best foundations.

Classic Tall Uggs in Black.....cause I'm in Michigan and it's just required lol
I can't believe they cost $40 more dollars than they used to!
from $140 to $180

I used to get Uggs for half price because I had a connection hehe
I knew someone who worked at the Ugg distribution center, and our family was able to get them for halfffffff off! I actually hated Uggs, but my mom insisted and bought me my first pair my junior year in college. That hate I had for Uggs turned into love.

They're just the most comfortable foot gear ever.


Size 7 in Black.
I wanted Grey, but it was sold out. Boo

21 comments:

  1. I don't mind cooking, but Jamal does ALL the outside stuff and we have a cleaner that comes in weekly!

    My only problem with Uggs is that they are not waterproof....

    ReplyDelete
  2. HAHA! Love the post.. Cute! I can relate.. I try not to get in these issues, but I do give in a few times.. After 9 yrs, it got old though. HAHA. Making me feel all guilty. HAHAH! Fun stuff! Interesting post!

    ReplyDelete
  3. When my boyfriend and i have an argument, I'm usually the first one to apologize because i hate arguing lol I never want an argument to drag out because then it gets frustrating and i rather just talk about it when we're not mad at each other anymore xD I guess sometimes its good to hold back but then it builds up and you just explode lol This girl at my job wears UGGs all the time. I love reading your blogs steph! =]

    ReplyDelete
  4. It go me thinking, and laughing, great post :p

    ReplyDelete
  5. haha i love those scenarios that you put up it's too hilarious...

    i feel bad cus from what you're saying, i wear the pants in the relationship LOL cus my bf always does what i ask him to or else i guilt trip him yet he never asks of anything from me...haha ;x

    ReplyDelete
  6. lol! Love your tips. *Sigh* Sometimes I catch my boyfriend doing those things ("training me") but whenever he complains about me not helping him with the dishes, I always smash him about how I always do the dishes by myself, even if they're not mine...then he shuts up. And does them by himself the next time too. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I so can relate to you..that always happens to me & my hubby......my sis & I are so much like you & your sis...though my big sis is more compassionate than I am...I'm the kind of person who wants to erase some people in my life...& I'm kinda good at it...:D

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yay, we got the same UGGs :) and about your post, I feel lucky because Adrian never made me feel guilty about NOT doing anything, he actually makes me feel guilty when I do the dishes.

    Adrian: "why did you wash the dishes? I told you I'll do it when I get off work, your hands will get rough.."

    Me: "Oh Its OK.. its just 3 plates :P"

    Adrian: "I'm telling u next time no more washing the dishes!"

    And when I cook, he ask me if I have a fever.. lol.. coz he is the one who usually cooks. Whenever I have my day off, he makes sure I rest and he does the laundry + folding clothes. In our 4 year relationship, he never gets tired of making sure I'm OK.. He makes me feel special :) and Girls need to find a man who can take care of their woman :D

    ReplyDelete
  9. LOL. i just read a list on askmen.com that "teaches" guys how to train us. as if WE are the ones that need training.. aaannnd, my bf and i had the toilet seat talk yesterday. i almost fell in. again. -_-

    ReplyDelete
  10. Him: "What are we having for dinner?"
    Me: "I don't know and why are you asking me? You're making it....."

    I can't stand it when they try to do things that way but, sometimes I do feel bad. Maybe it's just the natural "maternal" instinct in me?
    Guys can be such babies, sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  11. LOL smart entry!

    i caught my bf doing this passive thing too where i ended up feeling bad and doing all the work. then i woke up and now when he goes wheres my dinner or can u do my laundry i turn around and go um wheres MY dinner or why didnt you do MY laundry.

    ReplyDelete
  12. LOL smart entry!

    i caught my bf doing this passive thing too where i ended up feeling bad and doing all the work. then i woke up and now when he goes wheres my dinner or can u do my laundry i turn around and go um wheres MY dinner or why didnt you do MY laundry.

    ReplyDelete
  13. hahah! yea it can get kind of annoying. fortunately we're both pretty passive so one person isn't trying to control the other :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. You had me rolling Steph! Love this post. D and I have been together for 9 years, and he's pretty much trained. Lol. Kidding!

    Uggs. Super. Comfy. Good buy my dear!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I try to have the work be 50-50, but my husband makes that so hard! Part of it in my relationship was that his mother did everything, and he actually doesn't know how to do a lot of things, like laundry (I've tried to teach him. I'd rather take the time myself then spend the money to replace things again o_O).

    I hate the "what are we having for dinner" conversations, but I think the worst is the dishes. It's a simple rule: if I cooked for us, you clean. If you cook for yourself, you clean. Easy, right? He goes all passive with "but I worked all day" or, the worst one, he "forgets" and I end up having to do them because I need them later. (this is actually our biggest argument causer, heh).

    Any site that is trying to teach a person to train someone else urks me. That's not seeing the person as a person, it's seeing the person as something to get something out of. Some training is necessary, don't get me wrong (toilet seats need to be closed in my house because of animals, and I had to train him to do it), but that's not really the same thing as the "where's my dinner."

    Oh, and my answer to "where's my dinner?": In the kitchen, some assembly required.

    ReplyDelete
  16. @Kaoru, I really like your answer! Genius.

    ReplyDelete
  17. hahahahahha rofl, i just read this outloud to my boyfriend and he was laughing evily in the background. like MUAHHAHA laughing, but this piece is so true, sadly for me i am already in the cooking dinner/doing laundry/wipe the butt position, but i enjoyed that blog post so much, steph! you're witty and very clever! thanks for the giggles

    ReplyDelete
  18. hahaha so cute, what a helpful post re: relationships. thanks for posting this steph! *ok gotta go train lurvey now.* LOL :P

    ReplyDelete
  19. so true and girl we think alike..i always tell my friends that 'we've got to train them' like training a dog..lol...before its too damn late & they possibly WONT ever change.

    WHAT hookups to uggs!!! lucky butt...uggs are ugly but are yet so commmfffy..we need them in the nw area so good thinkin girl. i have the short black ones.

    ReplyDelete
  20. OMG!! I've been trained! =( That bf! >.< Anyways... I can't tell you how funny you are and how you come up with all these interesting topics! It totally made my day after long hours of work! Its very entertaining! =)Have fun tonight with your gfs!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Some guys can be trained, and some can't. Relationships are tough. Sometimes i feel like i should go for someone who loves me more than i love him because i know he will do everything to make me happy. It's funny how life can be a total opposite of what you wished for! What i wished for didn't happen, and what i didn't want HAPPENED!!

    I hated UGGS!!!! I thought they're the ugliest boots i've ever seen. Now i own 4 pairs!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for your comments!